I will praise you in this Storm (very long post)

Hello to all!!
I've wanted to update my blog for a long time now, and I hate that it's being done under these circumstances. A lot has happened over the past 2 years. Many fun and exciting times and also some sad and difficult times. On February 16th, Hamp and I found out that we were expecting baby #3. This was definitely a surprise for us!! We had talked about having a third, but didn't know if we were "called" to have another. We were shocked, excited and scared all at the same time, but we knew that God was in total control and this was His plan for us. As the news sank in, we started preparing ourselves and the kids for our new addition. Reid and Lily were dead set on having a little brother.

On June 3rd, we found out we were having a little girl. My mind raced at the thought of having 2 little girls running around the house and how much fun it would be. I could see them playing dolls together, braiding each other's hair and being the BEST of friends. I could also see Reid taking care of her just like he does Lily. Although they were both wanting a little brother, they quickly accepted that they were going to have a little sister and were excited to hold and feed her.

The day we found out we were having a girl, my doctor informed me that there was a choroid plexus cyst on her brain. He quickly explained that they normally dissolve by 28 weeks and we would have another sonogram done at that appointment to recheck it. He felt like it would dissolve and that there was nothing to be concerned about, but he also said if it was still there, he would send me to a specialist for a second opinion. I began praying that God would remove the cyst and that she would be healthy with no birth defects or problems that couldn't be fixed. I felt certain that she was going to be perfectly healthy and reminded myself that God was in control.

Most people who know me, know that I always have a project going on in my home. I quickly began a mental list of things that had to be done around the house before our little girl's arrival. In March we started updating our bathroom and finally finished it mid July. Then I turned my attention to Lily's room. I wanted to make her room a "big girl" room and make it special for her. She had been in her toddler bed (transitional crib), which we needed for the baby, and was ready for a twin bed. I took Reid's bed and painted it white and put a bunk bed in his room. We painted to room a powder blue and had some awesome pink & white curtains made for her window. As the project started coming to an end, I began thinking about what I wanted to do in the nursery. By this point, I was a week away from my 28 week appointment. We still needed to move the treadmill out and into the dining room, but something told me to wait....wait until after my appointment to do anything. We had also been going back and forth on names for our sweet girl. I knew we would call her Layne, but I couldn't find a family name to use for her middle name. My mom ran across Rivers on my dad's side and I thought we'd use it because it had a nice flow to it. Something continued to tell me to WAIT!

Thursday, August 5th is a day that will stay in my mind forever. I went to my doctor's appointment by myself because Hamp had an early patient and I just knew that everything was going to be alright. Mom called on the way there and said that she and Daddy were going to come and be there for me, but it would be after my sonogram appointment. I really didn't think it was necessary, but looking back, I am so thankful they were there. During the sonogram, I was amazed at how much Layne had changed. The technician began scanning her head and I quickly saw her type "choroid plexus" over a dark mass. She asked me if they found something on the last sonogram and I told her about the cyst. She said that it was still there and that her growth had dropped drastically. She was only weighing 1 lb. 11 oz. which was 2-3 weeks behind what she should have been weighing. I didn't know what to expect but I knew something was definitely wrong. I immediately broke down and wished that Hamp were there with me.

Daddy was with me when my doctor came in with more unexpected news. He couldn't see the four chambers of her heart or her right kidney and her weight was a huge concern to him. He felt like we were dealing with a chromosome abnormality like Down's Syndrome. I went immediately to the specialists office for another sonogram to see if he could see the heart and kidneys better. He did see the 4 chambers but found a VSD, ventricular septal defect, which is a hole between the two ventricles. He said we would be sent to a fetal cardiologist to find out what type of surgery she would need when she was born. He also found the right kidney but said the left kidney wasn't emptying all the way and could probably be fixed after birth. The growth was a major concern for him as well. He recommended an amniocentesis to determine if the baby had a chromosome abnormality. We decided to do it right away so we would know what was wrong with our little girl. The amnio results would take 10 days to come back but a FISH test would let us know if there was a chromosome abnormality or not. We were scheduled to go back that Monday for the overall results.

That weekend was the longest weekend ever! I kept as busy as I could and wouldn't let myself do any research on the internet. I wanted to keep a positive attitude and depend on God to make things right. I prayed that He would heal her body and help her gain weight. I just knew that she was going to be alright.

Monday, August 9th, is another day that is etched in my memory. Hamp and I took Reid to his first day of Kindergarten that morning before our doctor's appointment. I was an emotional wreck to say the least! I didn't cry like I thought I would, I guess because I had so much on my mind. I watched him walk into his classroom like he had been there many times before, and as I turned to leave, the sweetest voice said "I love you, Mommy" and he rushed over to hug me goodbye. My little boy had grown up SO fast!! Hamp and I went to the specialist's office later that morning to get the FISH test results. We waited for 45 minutes, which seemed like forever. My mom and sister-in-law, Angie, were there which helped take my mind off of the visit. The nurse called us back and put us in the room where we had been before. Dr. Perry, the specialist, came in and with the first few words he spoke, I knew right away our lives were about to change. He let us know that the FISH results indicated that Layne had Trisomy 18, which is a fatal chromosome abnormality. Because I didn't do any research over the weekend, I had no idea what we were dealing with. He went on to tell us that because of her T18, no cardiologist would perform surgery on her because the outcome is inevitable. She has a 50/50 chance of being born alive and if she is, we don't know how long she'll live. The rest is a complete blur!!

Since that day, our world has been turned upside down. The unknowing is agony! My doctor is preparing us for her to be stillborn, because T18 babies don't do well with labor. There's also the chance that she may pass before my due date which is October 25. If this happens, they'll induce labor within 48 hours. I'm still holding onto the hope that God will allow us to spend even a few minutes with her alive, but if He doesn't, I'll rest knowing that she is in heaven with her Father. Despite all of the uncertainty, I find peace in knowing that this is God's plan for Layne, no matter how hard it is for us to understand. I just pray that her life, however short it may be, will touch lives and that God will be glorified.

Remember earlier when I said that something was telling me to wait on deciding her name? Well, we've decided to name our precious baby girl Layne Grace Gaston. Grace was my grandmother, my mom's mother, and because grace is "a blessing and gift from God", we felt that it describes her perfectly. Thank you to everyone who has been lifting us up in prayer..we can definitely feel them. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as we prepare for our baby girl's arrival.