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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Baby Layne Grace Gaston

Layne Grace Gaston was born Thursday, Oct 14, 2010 at 12:57 pm. She weighed 4 lbs 1 oz and was 16 1/2 inches long.

Please visit Layne's Caring Bridge page for pictures and updates.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/laynegracegaston

Thursday, October 14, 2010

10 Hours to Go

It's 2:15 am and in less than 10 hours I'll meet my precious baby girl. I woke up so I could eat one last meal before surgery tomorrow. As I was eating, I realized that would be the last time that my baby girl would be nourished by my body. I'm so ready to see her but I can't help being overwhelmed with sadness right now. In less than 10 hours, she'll no longer be physically connected to me...instead, I'll be holding her in my arms. Fear of the unknown is settling in and I'm fighting all of those negative thoughts that come along with it. I pray that God will wipe all of the fear and negativity away and replace them with excitement, courage, strength, comfort and peace that passes ALL understanding.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9


Today I had my last doctor's appointment and one last sonogram before Layne's arrival. She was still breach but had flipped over to the opposite side. This is something she's been doing for weeks now! As I thought about it, that's exactly what I do all night long when I'm sleeping...flip from right side to left side! Dr. Gebhart has been such a wonderful blessing through this journey. His compassion and strong faith in God have comforted me in so many ways and I am so thankful that God led me to him 9 months ago. After my doctor's appointment, I met a very special friend of mine for lunch. Julie and I met by email 2 days after we found out Layne's diagnosis of Trisomy 18. Julie's beautiful little girl, Magdalena, was born with T18 2 years ago and lived 167 days! Their story touched my heart and I felt an instant connection with Julie. I have enjoyed meeting with her once a week for coffee or lunch and just talking. God brought our paths together for a reason and I am so grateful. After lunch with Julie, I met my sister, Sydney, for some light shopping and then for manicures & pedicures. It was SO relaxing and much needed. I am so thankful she drove here early from Tupelo so we could spend some time together before the BIG day.

Well, it's now 3 am and I need to get some sleep to be rested for Layne's birthday :)
I will have someone post updates and pictures soon.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4 6-7


"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Monday, October 11, 2010

37 weeks and Counting

I've been meaning to post this for a few days now but have just now gotten around to it. Last Monday, Oct. 4th, I turned 37 weeks. Layne is more active than ever now and loves to move & groove. I love to feel her little hiccups, which seem to last all night long. It amazes me how strong this little girl is with each passing day. She is amazing!!!

Thursday, I had my 37 week appointment and sonogram. We were checking to see what position Layne was in to determine if a C-section would be needed because last weeks sonogram showed that she was breech. Well...she is a stubborn little bug. She was still breech but had flipped over to the other side. And she LOVES her feet!! They are right up beside her head and she loves to hold them. She measured 4 lbs. 2 oz. but is more likely to be close to 4 lbs. Lori, my technician, informed me that the ventricle in her brain that was dilated last week, was no longer dilated. Also, there was less fluid in her left kidney than last week. Praise God!! When I was told about the excess fluid at my last appointment, my heart sank. For a while I had been researching and reading other T18 families blogs and was so hopeful that she would be with us a while. But when Dr. G started talking about hydronephrosis and how it could affect her, I felt like I had been hit by a freight train all over again. I felt like it was a reality check for me. However, I know that my God's plan is perfect and I don't want to question it. I know that He is carrying me through this dark and uncertain time and He won't abandon me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29: 10-12

So because Layne is still in her comfortable position, we have been scheduled for a C-section on Thursday, Oct. 14 at noon. I'll go back for one last visit and sonogram on Wednesday, just to make sure she hasn't decided to change her position. Right now I am praying that Thursday will be a day of joy and peace. I don't want it to be a sad day...it should be a day of celebration because we will meet our precious little miracle. I pray that God will surround us with His overwhelming peace and will allow us to have the perfect amount of time with her.

Prayer requests:
Pray for the doctors, nurses and medical staff who will be working with us.
Pray for Layne's safe delivery.
Pray that she will feel no pain or suffer in any way and will know only love and peace.
Pray for God's guidance as we make any decisions concerning Layne.
Pray for Reid & Lily. That God will provide a blanket of protection over them and that they will have time to love on their little sister.
Pray for strength, courage and understanding for us and our families.
Pray that this sweet little girl will continue to impact lives and that God will be glorified through her life.

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5

"God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called for His purpose." Romans 8:28

Monday, October 4, 2010

36 Weeks and Going Strong

Well, first of all I want to thank each and everyone who has commented, sent emails, texts and cards to us since we found out the news about Layne. And most of all, thank you for your constant prayers!! They mean SO much to me. I can sense God's overpowering peace and comfort surround me each day and especially now that the time is drawing near for us to met our precious little miracle. Layne truly is our miracle baby. Most Trisomy 18 babies don't make it to their due date, but she is beating the odds each day.

I was 36 weeks on Sept. 27th and saw my doctor on the 30th. We had an ultrasound done first to check her weight and position. She was up to 3 lbs 13 oz but was still 6 weeks behind on her growth (which is common with T18 babies). We could still see the VSD (ventricular septal defect) in her heart and her left kidney is holding more fluid than it was 7 weeks ago. We also saw that she is breech...she is definitely stubborn like her mother :) So now we are faced with whether we will have her vaginally or by C-section. This is something that I had been battling with in my mind from the moment we found out the devastating news. I knew that T18 babies don't handle the stress of normal labor well, as so many are stillborn. My doctor didn't want to perform a C-section because he didn't want to put me through major surgery, Layne not make it and then I have all of the grief and stress to deal with on top of my recovery. So...I turned it over to God. I know His ultimate plan is perfect and that He will take care of the situation for me. I am at total peace knowing that. My doctor and I discussed the need for a C-section if we want to give her the best chance of being born alive. At my appointment next week, we will have another ultrasound done to check her position and then determine where to go from there. If we decide on a C-section, Oct. 18th will be Layne's birthday.

It's hard to believe that 7 weeks has gone by so quickly and now we are approaching Layne's arrival. I am SO happy to finally get to see and hold my beautiful daughter, but at the same time, I am sad and scared to death knowing that I may have to let her go. No mother should have to bear this burden. But I hold to my faith and knowledge that God loves me and Layne more than we know and that He will be glorified through her life, however short or long it may be.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:17-19


Layne 28 weeks


Layne 30 weeks 4D


Holding her foot


Looks like she's thinking about something

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Praise you in this Storm (live) You'll need to mute the playlist at the bottom. Updated post is after this video.

I will praise you in this Storm (very long post)

Hello to all!!
I've wanted to update my blog for a long time now, and I hate that it's being done under these circumstances. A lot has happened over the past 2 years. Many fun and exciting times and also some sad and difficult times. On February 16th, Hamp and I found out that we were expecting baby #3. This was definitely a surprise for us!! We had talked about having a third, but didn't know if we were "called" to have another. We were shocked, excited and scared all at the same time, but we knew that God was in total control and this was His plan for us. As the news sank in, we started preparing ourselves and the kids for our new addition. Reid and Lily were dead set on having a little brother.

On June 3rd, we found out we were having a little girl. My mind raced at the thought of having 2 little girls running around the house and how much fun it would be. I could see them playing dolls together, braiding each other's hair and being the BEST of friends. I could also see Reid taking care of her just like he does Lily. Although they were both wanting a little brother, they quickly accepted that they were going to have a little sister and were excited to hold and feed her.

The day we found out we were having a girl, my doctor informed me that there was a choroid plexus cyst on her brain. He quickly explained that they normally dissolve by 28 weeks and we would have another sonogram done at that appointment to recheck it. He felt like it would dissolve and that there was nothing to be concerned about, but he also said if it was still there, he would send me to a specialist for a second opinion. I began praying that God would remove the cyst and that she would be healthy with no birth defects or problems that couldn't be fixed. I felt certain that she was going to be perfectly healthy and reminded myself that God was in control.

Most people who know me, know that I always have a project going on in my home. I quickly began a mental list of things that had to be done around the house before our little girl's arrival. In March we started updating our bathroom and finally finished it mid July. Then I turned my attention to Lily's room. I wanted to make her room a "big girl" room and make it special for her. She had been in her toddler bed (transitional crib), which we needed for the baby, and was ready for a twin bed. I took Reid's bed and painted it white and put a bunk bed in his room. We painted to room a powder blue and had some awesome pink & white curtains made for her window. As the project started coming to an end, I began thinking about what I wanted to do in the nursery. By this point, I was a week away from my 28 week appointment. We still needed to move the treadmill out and into the dining room, but something told me to wait....wait until after my appointment to do anything. We had also been going back and forth on names for our sweet girl. I knew we would call her Layne, but I couldn't find a family name to use for her middle name. My mom ran across Rivers on my dad's side and I thought we'd use it because it had a nice flow to it. Something continued to tell me to WAIT!

Thursday, August 5th is a day that will stay in my mind forever. I went to my doctor's appointment by myself because Hamp had an early patient and I just knew that everything was going to be alright. Mom called on the way there and said that she and Daddy were going to come and be there for me, but it would be after my sonogram appointment. I really didn't think it was necessary, but looking back, I am so thankful they were there. During the sonogram, I was amazed at how much Layne had changed. The technician began scanning her head and I quickly saw her type "choroid plexus" over a dark mass. She asked me if they found something on the last sonogram and I told her about the cyst. She said that it was still there and that her growth had dropped drastically. She was only weighing 1 lb. 11 oz. which was 2-3 weeks behind what she should have been weighing. I didn't know what to expect but I knew something was definitely wrong. I immediately broke down and wished that Hamp were there with me.

Daddy was with me when my doctor came in with more unexpected news. He couldn't see the four chambers of her heart or her right kidney and her weight was a huge concern to him. He felt like we were dealing with a chromosome abnormality like Down's Syndrome. I went immediately to the specialists office for another sonogram to see if he could see the heart and kidneys better. He did see the 4 chambers but found a VSD, ventricular septal defect, which is a hole between the two ventricles. He said we would be sent to a fetal cardiologist to find out what type of surgery she would need when she was born. He also found the right kidney but said the left kidney wasn't emptying all the way and could probably be fixed after birth. The growth was a major concern for him as well. He recommended an amniocentesis to determine if the baby had a chromosome abnormality. We decided to do it right away so we would know what was wrong with our little girl. The amnio results would take 10 days to come back but a FISH test would let us know if there was a chromosome abnormality or not. We were scheduled to go back that Monday for the overall results.

That weekend was the longest weekend ever! I kept as busy as I could and wouldn't let myself do any research on the internet. I wanted to keep a positive attitude and depend on God to make things right. I prayed that He would heal her body and help her gain weight. I just knew that she was going to be alright.

Monday, August 9th, is another day that is etched in my memory. Hamp and I took Reid to his first day of Kindergarten that morning before our doctor's appointment. I was an emotional wreck to say the least! I didn't cry like I thought I would, I guess because I had so much on my mind. I watched him walk into his classroom like he had been there many times before, and as I turned to leave, the sweetest voice said "I love you, Mommy" and he rushed over to hug me goodbye. My little boy had grown up SO fast!! Hamp and I went to the specialist's office later that morning to get the FISH test results. We waited for 45 minutes, which seemed like forever. My mom and sister-in-law, Angie, were there which helped take my mind off of the visit. The nurse called us back and put us in the room where we had been before. Dr. Perry, the specialist, came in and with the first few words he spoke, I knew right away our lives were about to change. He let us know that the FISH results indicated that Layne had Trisomy 18, which is a fatal chromosome abnormality. Because I didn't do any research over the weekend, I had no idea what we were dealing with. He went on to tell us that because of her T18, no cardiologist would perform surgery on her because the outcome is inevitable. She has a 50/50 chance of being born alive and if she is, we don't know how long she'll live. The rest is a complete blur!!

Since that day, our world has been turned upside down. The unknowing is agony! My doctor is preparing us for her to be stillborn, because T18 babies don't do well with labor. There's also the chance that she may pass before my due date which is October 25. If this happens, they'll induce labor within 48 hours. I'm still holding onto the hope that God will allow us to spend even a few minutes with her alive, but if He doesn't, I'll rest knowing that she is in heaven with her Father. Despite all of the uncertainty, I find peace in knowing that this is God's plan for Layne, no matter how hard it is for us to understand. I just pray that her life, however short it may be, will touch lives and that God will be glorified.

Remember earlier when I said that something was telling me to wait on deciding her name? Well, we've decided to name our precious baby girl Layne Grace Gaston. Grace was my grandmother, my mom's mother, and because grace is "a blessing and gift from God", we felt that it describes her perfectly. Thank you to everyone who has been lifting us up in prayer..we can definitely feel them. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as we prepare for our baby girl's arrival.